Life & Other Distractions

The Art of Listening

2012-01-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

It takes practice. Believe me. You might think that to listen to people is an easy thing because you feel that you just need to shut up and let the other people do the talking. It's not. Listening well takes focus, patience and practice. You actually put more mental effort in listening than speaking.

I confess that I sometimes tend to lose patient in listening to other people when they are talking. However, I strive consciously to push myself to listen to what other people have to say about something. Just try it for once and you'll be amaze and annoyed the next time you get the chance to communicate with someone who never listen. There and then will you only know how it feels. Because you tried it. Listen.

I also agree that I'll tend to get emotional over this particular topic. It's your lucky day by the way. The Toastmaster monthly magazines that I'm reading right now have just the perfect tips for you to be a good listener and which also prompt me to do this post. I'm killing the birds with one stone.

So here it goes,

Watch A Person's Body Language. Unspoken cues can say more than words.

Make Eye Contact. This indicates you are paying attention and decreases external distractions.

Don't Interrupt. Period.

Listen To Every.Last.Word. Focus on what the speaker is saying. Planning what you will say once the speaker stops talking is not listening.

Pause To Process. Take a moment to absorb what you just heard and formulate an appropriate response. Just like in a superior speech, pauses are a great addition to every conversation.

Ask Questions. Clarify information you are unsure about and show the speaker support. You will be surprised at what you can learn if you are truly listening.

With that, I rest my case.

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-03T16:41:00.000+08:00

Just in case the famous prediction of 2012 is true, let me live life dangerously this year!

ha ha ha

Under The Mistletoe

2011-12-26T14:47:00.001+08:00

I'm here. Kiss me!

ha ha.

Merry Christmas Everyone! :-)

Up Where I Belong

2011-12-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

I meant home.

I have been feeling like this every year. Excited for a holiday to Sabah. Sometimes it turns out great, sometimes just okay. Still, I never failed to anticipate this 'going back home' time of the year.

As usual I have a few things planned for my family and myself. To spend as much time as possible with them within two weeks of my leave.

I want everything to happen as per plan and I want everyone to be happy. That's all I ask. Not more. Not too much.

End of Nov

2011-11-28T13:01:00.002+08:00

It's almost end of November....berhabuk suda ni blog lama sda nda kena update...tsk tsk tsk

About 3 more weeks and I'll be going back to Sabah...yay!

Company dinner is done..all the singing is done....

Penang Bridge Marathon is also done...proud of myself! finisher medal!

next.......hehe

Veil of Happiness

2011-10-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

The secret to happiness
Sights & Sounds
Xandria Ooi

It cannot be derived from pleasures alone.

MY brother-in-law, Yu Jin, once remarked to me: “Your face changes when you eat ice-cream. It literally lights up.” One of my favourite things in the world is ice-cream, and I’ve always said that ice-cream makes me extremely happy. Yet, when I think about it, I wonder if consuming ice-cream makes me happy, or if it simply gives me pleasure. There is an important distinction between the two, however similar they may be.

Experiencing pleasure is one of the most exhilarating feelings in the world. Our hearts may beat a little faster; our energy levels surge and we may even smile or laugh a little more than usual. The problem with feelings of pleasure is that it is so closely linked to our emotions that it cannot possibly last. Phrases like “moments of pleasure” or “a rush of pleasure” are often used for a reason — pleasure graces us with its presence but it also leaves without saying goodbye.

The question to ask is, when the euphoria is gone, do you feel happy, or empty? I now acknowledge that having ice-cream does not give me happiness, it simply gives me pleasure. Simply as it may seem, that is an important realisation. I would feel very good as I consume a pint of ice-cream, but after the pint is gone, I would feel guilty. What’s worse, I would feel fat. Is that happiness? Of course not. This does not mean that I would write-off eating ice-cream. Nothing is wrong with experiencing pleasure, but indulging too much would mean that the moment’s pleasure could turn into long-term unhappiness.

This applies across the board to so many things in our lives. If we are always dependent on external factors to give us joy, it only makes sense that we would be unhappy, sad or depress if we are without them. Sometimes, the pleasure we experience brings no regret or sadness, but it does create a void that needs to be constantly filled.

For example, when we purchase an expensive or coveted item, we would feel on top of the world as we leave the store and take it home. After a few weeks, this highly-prized item would no longer be perceived as special. If it was a vase, you would have gotten used to seeing it sitting in your dining room. If it was a car, you’d have gotten used to driving it. One of my friends has a beautiful black Hermès Birkin bag, and she said something that made me think. After I buy something, it’d just become one of my many things. I’d leave my bag on the floor, or chuck it somewhere in the house. It’s expensive, but it becomes normal after I’ve had it for a while.”

That applies to people as well. If you’re marrying someone just because they’re physically beautiful, you’ll soon fail to see the beauty that had once captivated you so. Attaining material things or having sex with different people give us great pleasure, but it leads us down a path of always seeking the next rush of pleasure. Feeling desirable leads to a false sense of self-worth, which is why it convinces those with insecurities that flattery, praises and sexual conquests can compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

The problem is that pleasure is so temporary that the feeling of increased self-worth fades as quickly as it began, after which we are back at square one. We don’t often stop and think about what our ultimate goal in life is — we think long and hard about our dreams and ambitions, or where we’d like to travel to, what we’d like to eat and how much money we’d like to make; but what does having all that lead us? We hope that it will lead us to happiness. Let’s think about this for a moment. Sometimes, in the pursuit of happiness, we get derailed and forget that we are pursuing happiness, and not simply pleasure. When we confirm a holiday, we are happy. When we at the airport, we are very happy. When we find out that the flight has been delayed, we are extremely unhappy. When we arrive in Paris, we are happy. When our hotel room has no towels, we are unhappy. Did our holiday make us happy, or unhappy?

What I find most difficult in life is to be constantly happy. Happiness is a state of mind that is at peace and free from anger or desires; yet as human beings, we are so reliant on situations, circumstances and people to be happy. In his book, Message from the Masters, Brian Weiss M.D. said, “Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.”

So much of our worry, stress, fear and heartaches are because we allow people to affect how we feel. If you have a boss and he was nasty to you, you’d feel anger and depressed. If you have a boyfriend who broke up with you, you’d feel worthless and dispensable. Ending a relationship with someone because they “don’t make us happy” sounds absurd when you think about it. We are not responsible for the happiness of another, and even if we were, we do not have the power to ensure another human being’s happiness. What we able to do in a relationship is to fully utilise the tools that lead to happiness – pleasure, appreciation, understanding and love. In doing that, a couple is able to find happiness together. Pleasure is only one of the many subsets of happiness, and happiness cannot be derived from pleasures alone.

Happiness is within our own control, and we can determine whether to allow the simple pleasures in life to lead us to happiness. Think about it. If we are always dependent upon the big pleasures in life to make us happy — when we are given a pay rise or promotion, when we are given a big diamond ring or when we strike the lottery – then we can only ever be happy a few times in our lives. Simple pleasures are usually just the sun, a roof over our head, a friendly smile or a loving family, but it is hard for us to appreciate the value of simple pleasures until we lose them all; such is human nature. Yet, not all of us are of this mindset. There are people who have found the secret to their own happiness. How else can someone who is ill, be happy? How can someone who is handicapped and can’t move at all, be happy? How can someone who seems to have very little be happy, yet someone who has it all – health, family, love and support – be unhappy? What I do know is that our toolbox of happiness consists of kindness, compassion, appreciation and love, and these are tools that are free and available to anyone who wants them.

Ego, pride and selfishness simply do not exist in the toolbox of happiness. Such a shame if we would think otherwise.

Veni Vidi Vici

2011-10-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

Steve Jobs died a few days ago and he's famous for living a life in the moment. I love this one story where he went on a first date with his wife.

For all of his single-minded dedication to the company he built from the ground up, Jobs actually skipped a meeting to take Laurene on their first date: "I was in the parking lot with the key in the car, and I thought to myself, 'If this is my last night on earth, would I rather spend it at a business meeting or with this woman?' I ran across the parking lot, asked her if she'd have dinner with me. She said yes, we walked into town and we've been together ever since." - Yahoo News

That to me is a perfect example of how I want to do things in life. But let's face it, we are not Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or J.K Rowling, who can wake up in the morning and decide they want to go to Honolulu just to get an inspiration. I might not be able to treat every single day like that. To think about what I would rather be doing at the very moment and just do it - to simply walk away and leave the 9 to 5 job and do all other things that I love instead but I want to try every once in a while.

For instance, let's give that idea a chance in a year. See how many times you can do things differently, to follow your heart and be spontaneous in a year. That is quite reasonable to me, yes?

I used to have 10 or 20 things for my yearly resolution back then but since about two years ago I have made a habit to only do two things every year. To go some place I have never been before and to do something I have never done before. Easy peasy.

You are probably thinking now of places you have always wanted to visit. Now, to start small and keep the momentum going, you don't have to think of places too far away and one that can burn a hole in your pocket. Some place local will do for a start. I'm sure there are many other area in this country you have never been before.

I went to Kelantan early this year for the first time. I decided to attend my best friend's wedding and have a look at how this part of Malaysia is like. It was a pleasant trip. If I didn't personally go there, I would never have known just how unique that place is. For example, do you know that all the shops in Kelantan have a signage written in Arabic alphabet? Even the Chinese coffee shop. And the Chinese there speak fluent Kelantanese dialect. You might have heard about it but to listen to it in person is just interesting.

Now how about that doing something you have never done before. It is as fun as going to a new place for the first time. Like when I first decided to join my friends to go fishing. And bought my first fishing rod. And catch my first fish. It was all very exciting and now I know how it is like to feel that first tug at your bait and get a first glimpse of the mysterious fish who play tug of war with you. It was not that boring as I thought it would. Sometimes the waiting part can be a bit exasperating but at the end of it all, it really feels good to count how many fish you have been able to catch. This can also be another way for you to be creative at spending your time with your friends. This is something different from what I normally do every day or every other weekend.

We have about two and a half month left before the year end.So let's make the rest of the days before that to be meaningful and something that you can think back and say 'I did it!'. Start with just two easy mission which is to go to a place you have never been before, any place at all...new coffee shop, new hiking area...etc...and to do something you have never done before. To sign up for monthly charity donation for the Kidney Institution or to join a dancing class or vocal class..anything...

Have fun and most of all...remember that you are doing this for yourself. Veni Vidi Vici (teda kaitan juga..saja..haha)

Own Pick!

2011-09-21T10:18:00.000+08:00

I want this! So I can punch my own guitar picks with my name on it even! ho ho ho

One and Only

2011-09-20T14:29:00.000+08:00

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.

Adele told The Sun "That one's just about someone I've known for years who I've always loved and I think he's always loved me but we're too scared to be with each other in case that's it."

Once...

2011-09-15T23:34:00.088+08:00

...when I was younger, I'm such a bookworm that I even read newspapers like an old man. Mostly I'll flips through all the pages first even when I saw some articles that I find interesting because I knew that once I started to read it, it will take me ages to finish since I have the habit of really reading from start to finish never missing one word and that's not going to help me get over the next page.

It has been a few days since I have been discharge from the hospital and I have been taking all those well wishes seriously. The resting part. Like really really resting. I woke up early now though for breakfast, because I need to time the medicine-eating right. Then after that I will either be dragging my body to bed and lie down or continue sleeping until lunch or I'll do some mild surfing on the internet and sometimes watch movies - everything done from the bed.

I tried cooking for dinner yesterday and half way through eating, I feel dizzy (pening-pening lalat). I knew then that I have been resting too much and my body is weak. So today I drag myself out of the house and go for my schedule hair treatment at the shop nearby. At least it's nothing heavy, just sitting and I bring a book to read. So while in the midst of it all, I saw a newspaper and decided to look through the articles.

Interestingly, The Star newspaper is currently putting spaces here and there where it will put all those old archive news or what used to be in the newspaper all those years before. Some kind of trudging down memory lane I guess. Imagine my delight when I saw a few of my old time favorite sections being published in a newspaper again.

The section that caught my attention the most was the Pen Pal section. I remember looking through that list when I was a young teenager and skimming through all the names, ages, location and the best one is the hobbies. I would usually pick someone who's really from far away or some boys name whom I thought might be cute judging from the name. Ha ha ha

I had fun looking at it again which from the looks of it were scanned and printed to that page and I really wanted to take pictures but then the phone's camera was being difficult so I end up with no pictures. Sad. :(

Then I came across the Comics. Oh I really love them back then. I remember having a scrap book and I would cut those that I like most and paste it on the book. I think I did that back when I did not really understand English that much. But then again, most of the comics were pictures and less words so I think I was giving it my own interpretation and picked those that I thought were funny. And the pictures were cute too. I wonder where's the book now. We move houses way too much when I was a kid I think there's not much left of any old remembrance at home now.

And of course one more section which hold dear to my heart was the Crossword. If I'm not mistaken, it was the Borneo Post Crossword that have this A to Z series of crossword that you have to finish to win the money. One alphabet will have a few crosswords to it I think. Like A1, A2...up until I can't remember actually. I tried a lot of times but then imagine how hard it is to get one crossword right. This one you need to get all 10 or 20 of them correct. Thinking back, I'm actually amaze with my passion and of course patient with that contest. It was a very nice memory indeed.

Only those of you who were a kid as exciting as I was during those time can relate to this. Or not. No matter. He he he

By the way I watch the movie Once yesterday and Wel said all my movies were ganjil-ganjil. I was like...wtf...ha ha ha..kidding! I have just finish watching Jane Eyre before finishing this post and I enjoyed it very much. Honestly, that one is not weird, yes? Oh well, like I care. LOL

Good night everyone. :-)

Oh The Pain!

2011-09-10T08:03:00.002+08:00

I'm writing this post in a hospital bed with the hospital wristband in my left hand and the drip infusion needle at the right.

The pain is lesser now after the medication and I'm hoping to be discharge this morning. I couldn't really understand what the doctor was saying when he did the diagnosis so I looked at my medicines and google up the names. Typical me. He he he

So I figure out this much at least. According to Google, I have this Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) in which the stomach contents (food or liquid) leak backwards from the stomach into the esophagus and cause heartburn and all those pain that I have been having for the past few days.

This is my first time admitted to the hospital, infused with glucose drip and undergo the Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (why do they have to make the term so long and non-pronounceable to mere mortal like me I could never understand) which includes inserting a thin tube with a camera on the end through the mouth and the tube is then passed into the esophagus, stomach, and small intestine, snapping pictures of how my internal organs are doing in there.

While I was being pushed down the corridor to the ground floor for the scope (that's what the nurses call it), my eyes stared pass the neon lights in the ceilings and on both my sides were the staff and nurse keep telling that it was a simple procedure-that I'm not going to feel anything etc...I almost feel like I was in one of those movie...he he he.

Being sick is of course not a pleasant experience and I hope this is going to be my last visit to the hospital. The doctor and nurses are very nice people but I just can't stand the pain and the fasting and the needle and the lying around all day. Plus I don't want to make Mom and Nanak worried. Nanak called me and almost cried when I told her that I was in a hospital. Bless her for keep sending me text messages saying that she miss me. :)

Now is waiting for Wel to visit me and the doctor to say I'm free to go. Hehe

On Staying Hungry & Foolish

2011-09-07T13:19:00.000+08:00

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says.
This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

Of Fire & A Pot

2011-09-02T22:04:00.005+08:00

My hand is still shaking. My heart still beating fast even after an hour. Everything is alright, I know. No real damage done but the thought of what could happen still scares me.

Now I can cross the last item on my to-do lists during holiday because this is the first time I almost burn down a house. It was my mistake. I know. Things happen right. I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just feel the need to apologize for my carelessness. Isk.

I heated up the oil in the pot and while waiting, I went over the living room and flip through a few channels. It was the pretty white gown and black dresses shown in E! that got me carried away. By the time I remember that I have put a pot full with oil on the stove and run to the kitchen, the pot was already burning up and the fire is as high as you can ever imagine. Luckily despite being scared and almost panicking not knowing what to do I didn't splash water on the burning pot over the stove or else I wouldn't have been able to handle what might happen if the whole thing catches fire and explode.

I took a cloth for the handle and bring the burning pot over to the sink and let the water put out all the fire. I'm not sure if there's other way to do it but pouring water into a burning oily pot only make the fire goes bigger. It didn't occur to me at that time. All I can think of is I don't want to burn the house down. It was really big, the fire. It almost reach the kitchen's ceiling. I can only stare at it in panic and luckily after what feels like forever, the fire died away leaving only thick black smoke behind to permanently mark the incident. It was all over the wall and the ceiling.

I called Wel and Jew after that. Crying. I don't want to but I can't help it. Jew said it's okay as long as I'm alright and to not think too much about the kitchen but I feel guilty because now the kitchen look bad and blacky.

I have clean up the mess. It took me quite some time to get started because I dreaded the look of the sink and the stove and worried if I might touch something and there will be fire again. I gave out a sigh of relief after I finish with the cleaning and saw that I was just shocked over what had happen but overall, everything was still intact. Although I can't do anything about the wall or the ceiling or at a few stuff that are now smoky in color. Or the pot. The helpless pot.

:( :( :(

Limitless

2011-08-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

Holiday is only two days away. The list of things that I can or might do is endless. Or is it really?

Let see.

1. Go to Borders everyday and ~~read books.~~
~~2. Watch movies.~~
3. Travel somewhere unplanned and unexpected.
~~4. Sleep.~~
~~5. Blog.~~
6. Write a short story.
7. Singing practice.
8. Guitar practice.
9. Speech practice.
10. Intensive exercise.
~~11. Do something I have never done before.~~

I guess that should be enough for eight days holiday, yes? Or any of you have other brilliant idea? I'm open for suggestion. :-)

As of 3rd Sept: Strikeout items are those I have done or those that had happen.

Living With The Boys

2011-08-24T17:47:00.002+08:00

One thing for sure, we are not biologically related. Rrrr...hahaha kidding.

I was raised by a single mother. I don't have any older or younger brothers growing up. Just me, my sister and of course my mother. Boys and men were a foreign terms to me. I think that could be the reason why I tend to gravitate more towards these particular gender rather than my own my whole life. I'm curious.

When I was a kid, my mother used to tell me that if she wanted to look for me every time after I've been gone for so long playing Police and Thieves or Hide and Seek, she would usually look at where the boys are playing and not the other way around. It has been more or less the same up until now.

I graduated in 2007 and after that all my best girlfriends have either get married or scattered around the universe working in all sort of jobs you can imagine. Then of course my line of work has not been helping at all for me to keep my feminine side intact. I work in a mechanical area where I sometimes find myself the only girl in the room during meetings or lunches or breakfast. I am not saying that I have a problem with that. I don't, really. I was a bit of a tomboy growing up anyway.

So let me tell you how it was for me for the past few years.

First and foremost, boys, they are a very straight forward creature. Sometimes I think that if they learn to lie more, this world would be a better place to live. I remember asking my friend John (not a real name) on one of the tricky question we girls have for guys. I said this,

"I think I'm gaining weight."

It was more like a statement though. Of course I knew I was gaining weight but well we girls just need some reassurance. I was complaining that I was eating more and more everyday and it worries me. His response to that was,

'Oh yeah, no wonder I've been thinking that you are getting bigger every day too. Especially at this area.'

He was pointing at my tummy at this point. See? It's very different with us girls. We'll never say that to one another. At least not directly.

Secondly, you'll get a new amusing nick names. For my own sake and of course them, I have learn not to take it seriously and I'm still trying. Remember the 'gaining weight' topic? My friends have some very funny names for me for that. It seems like for guys, they have a strange notion of showing affection. Us girls, we'll hold hands or whisper to each others ears, gossiping, helping one another plucking eyebrows and having a sleepover talking through the night. We are quite physical.

With men, they don't go around holding each others hand. They hug only when necessary. We girls do it anytime we feel like it. So I guess this is their way of showing they love you. By calling you names. Affectionate names. Like 'Perempuan Gemuk' or whatever...you get the idea.

Last but not least, if you really have a close male buddies, you should know this. You'll tend to have the same hobby sooner or later. Gone were the days where I spent many times shopping and window shopping and also heart to heart sharing.

Now it's more like hiking in the jungle whenever we feel like bloated after too much eating or too much drinking. We have also make it a habit to go camping and fishing four or five times a year. If we are not doing all that, we'll be playing badminton every Saturday for two hours, jog for a few kilometers everyday or just drink and drink again. Omg.

So, here it goes. You will have to either bear with the name callings and the never-get-a-compliment-directly or keep your distance. I did warn you. Ha ha ha

Life Over Here

2011-08-17T01:26:00.003+08:00

I've been telling myself to try to sleep early every night as I have not been getting enough sleep for the last few days due to many things that I need to get prepared and at the same time just having trouble falling asleep.

And you know what, right here right now...I miss my girlfriends. It's very different having guys around you most of the time. At the office, the office's cafe during breakfast and lunch, at home, on the road or on social network...at the malls..even at the parking lot...everywhere..I'm starting to see more guys than girls these days...and sometimes I think I need a break.

I miss having a good talk with a girl. Being affectionate with each other. Holding hands. Go shopping the way we girls do. Gossiping merrily...and just all those sort of things girls do.

I don't have a problem with all the guys around me now. Don't get me wrong. I love my best boyfriends here from the bottom of my heart. And I like my colleagues at work. They are okay. It just....I don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I guess I just have been missing some natural part of being a girl I guess. I don't know....

p/s I drafted this post a few weeks back..the feeling have subsided a bit but seeing that I don't really have a post during August..I just decided to publish it anyway. Hehehe

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

2011-08-01T16:28:00.007+08:00

I can speak funnily. At least I think I do. Best when I'm speaking Sabahan's dialect and not when I'm talking in Dusun or in English (Manglish maybe a bit better) but I'm struggling with it when it comes to writing funnily. Your reader can't hear the actual tone of your voice that you are using and if you are not careful with your punctuation marks, somebody is going to get pissed off.

So tell me...how do I write humorously? I'm struggling with that.

It's Finally Over

2011-07-18T13:38:00.000+08:00

Thank You J.K Rowling and also all those who involved in the film - actors, directors, crews..etc.. It was a great journey both in the books and also the movies. I have immensely enjoy everything and for sure going to miss it! Tsk tsk tsk

Inspiring

2011-07-13T16:59:00.000+08:00

"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." – J. K. Rowling, Harvard commencement address, 2008

p/s getting ready and getting excited for the final part of Harry Potter movie...

Is The Life You're Living Worth the Price you are Paying?

2011-07-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

What toll does it take, over time, if you get too little sleep; skip breakfast or settle for something unhealthy; struggle with a relentlessly challenging commute; attend meeting after meeting with no breaks in between; pump yourself up through the day with multiple cups of coffee or sugary snacks; deal with hundreds of emails that accumulate in your inbox; remain at your desk for lunch if you eat lunch at all; push through fatigue in the afternoon; head home at night feeling exhausted, but continue to check email through the evening; work on the weekends; and limit your vacations to no more than a week or two, if you vacation at all?

Consider the story of the boiling frog. It may or may not be true, but the point it makes certainly is. Toss a frog into a pot of boiling water and it instinctively jumps out, self-protectively. Next, place the frog into a pot of cool water. Not surprisingly, it swims around, happily. Now heat the water up very gradually and what does the frog do? It acclimates to untenable circumstances — and slowly cooks. The frog doesn't notice what's happening to him, until it's too late.

We're experiencing the same phenomenon. Facing ever more demand, complexity and uncertainty, our initial response is to push ourselves harder and more relentlessly, without taking account of the costs we're incurring.
Physiologically, we move into hyperarousal — flooding our bodies with stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol. It's an automatic response to the experience of threat, and it provides an instant source of energy.

"Allostatic load" is a term coined by the neuroscientist Bruce McEwen that refers to the physiological consequences — most especially on the brain — of chronic exposure to relentless demand. When fight-or-flight hormones circulate in our body for too long, keeping our arousal high, they become toxic — not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally.

The most immediate problem with the fight-or-flight state is that our pre-frontal cortex begins to shut down. We become reactive rather than reflective. We lose precisely what we need most in these complex times: the capacity to think analytically and imaginatively; to embrace nuance and paradox rather than choosing up sides; and to take a long-term perspective rather than making the most expedient choice.
It's not good for us, and it's not good for companies.

The antidote, well understood by trauma researchers, is to give people practical and specific ways to lower their physiological arousal — to get out of fight or flight. If you're hyperaroused — and vast numbers of us are, much of the time — you must learn first how to regularly relax your body. Only then is it possible to calm your emotions, quiet your mind and make wiser choices.

In the trauma community, it's called self-soothing. In the workplace, it's about using simple strategies to buffer relentless demand by taking more conscious and regular care of our most basic needs.
Our most fundamental physical needs, beyond food, are to move and to rest. Sleep is the foundation of physical energy. All but a tiny percentage of us require at least 7-8 hours a night to feel fully rested and even small amounts of sleep deprivation take a significant cognitive toll.

We also operate best when we take renewal breaks at least every 90 minutes during the day. Breathing deeply for as little as a minute, for example, can completely clear the body of cortisol.
Movement is a second, more active way to change channels and to build physical capacity. The best way to move is to regularly challenge our current comfort zone — to push our heart rate into the aerobic and anaerobic zones at least four times a week, for at least 20 minutes at a time, and to train with weights at least twice a week.

Even if you don't do that, it's immensely valuable to get up and move at least several times during the day — and even better, to get outside. Above all, our goal should be to increase our oscillation over the course of the day — moving between relaxation at one end, and more active forms of energy expenditure at the other.
At the emotional level, our core need is to feel safe, secure and valued. The most reliable way to ensure that happens is to move flexibly between valuing, appreciating and taking care of others — which builds trust and appreciation — and taking care of ourselves. One without the other is insufficient. We need to regularly refuel ourselves with positive emotions just as much as we need to renew ourselves physically.

The more attentive we are to meeting these core needs, the less likely we are to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and the more sustainably high-performing we're capable of becoming.

Source: http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2011/07/is-the-life-youre-living-worth.html

Note: Just something my boss gives once in a while via e-mail. Happy Reading.

Run!Run!Run!

2011-06-21T21:40:00.002+08:00

I need to start running seriously again. Happily of course. Just a bit more disciplined than I was lately. I think my weight is not getting any lesser.

Coincidentally too, I have been feeling like I need to get away for a while. I'm not sure what it is exactly that I really need to get away from but sometimes I feel suffocated by everything that is going on through my head. I even started to dream so much of things that I hate and things that I wish for. Omg. I know. Sometimes I think that there might be something wrong with me. So I think beside jogging, I also need to run away to some place where I can get a peace of mind.

Maybe I should just go for an unplanned trip once in a while. Even better, I should just pick any location now and buy me an overnight plane tickets or bus tickets or train tickets...whatever it is. The tickets sound weird to me now after repeating the sentence through my head.

I have a small world globe like this in the room. Almost the same shape and color. Bought it during that first visit to Singapore.

I just want the whole world to stop for a while. Please let me wander around as long as I want and let me be at every places I need to be.

Reasons Why

2011-06-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

T-R-Y

Oh baby we can fight like dogs we can fight like cats

A dirty laundry needs a laundry man

Maybe the king and the queen should lay off the caffeine

Baby breathe before you react

Sometimes we do forget to behave

And we regret what we say

Cause words are too weapons

If we don't choose'em carefully

Ladies and gentlemen this is instrumental

If life's to be a bed of roses

I know i gave you everything you like

Because you still give me butterflies

If we just try try try

Just to be ni-ni-nice

Then the world would be a better place for you and I

If we just live our lives

Putting our differences aside

Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Are we just dangling in the middle of a galaxy

Well i'm stoked on gravity

To be stuck with you like flowers on the dew drops

Now let it in my direction

My direction is up when everybody's down

Cause i don't mind being anybody's clown

I love a little lift cause i'm an optimistic

In an altruistic way

Cause basically this place is needing instruments of harmony

Spreading my philosophy of love and inspiration

Oh these words I speak I commit to like a crime

With a rhythm i deliver i'm giving them a picture

Of the reasons why

We should just try try try

Just to be ni-ni-nice

So the world could be a better place for you and I

If we just live our lives

Putting our differences aside

Oh that would be so beautiful to me

Well it wouldn't cost a penny but could save so many lonely lives

From teary eyes

If we just try try try

To open up a can of understanding open up your heart

I'm just planting seeds

Cause i believe

We could just try try try

Just to be ni-ni-nice

So the world would be a better place for you and I

If we just live our lives

Putting our differences aside

Oh that would be so beautiful to me

If we could try, just to be nice

oh That could be so beautiful to me

I believe,

that could be so beautiful to me

Reading My Way Through Life

2011-06-02T23:20:00.001+08:00

It has been a while since the last time I read a book and COMPLETED IT WITH JUST A FEW HOURS. That's the indication of how much I ENJOYED the book I have just finished reading. Although I did feel a bit disappointed of the ending, one that I felt ended too soon when I was hoping for more reconciliation and elaborated happy ending pages after all of what each of the character have gone through. Nevertheless, it was a VERY GOOD read I could not really get enough of it in the end.

Anyway, I guess all those writers did it sometimes. To not gives you everything and leave some for your imagination and let you decide how it's going to end. It happen a lot in movies too. Those movies that ends abruptly and leaves you wondering whether there's a second sequel to it or it was purposely done to let your mind play tricks on you - something like that.

This is the first book that I read from this author, Meg Rosoff and I'm LOOKING FORWARD to read more of her writings after this.

Run Your Butt Off!

2011-06-02T13:33:00.001+08:00

I used to ~~hate~~ dislike running. I couldn't see any point in just running from one point to another without a ball to kick or a racket to swing at the same time. I did a lot of sports but I was never the runner type.

It all started to change once I got into the working world. I didn't have friends to play basketball or volleyball anymore and the only alternative were badminton or ping-pong (both never been my strongest or favorite games)...and I started gaining weight...kg to kg. I know for myself that it will be hard for me at first to like or do something that I'm not really good at or familiar with but I also do know that if I try hard enough, I'll be just fine and it will turn out great.

Just last week, I did a charity run for Husky. I mean for the SPCA Penang but we (together with Wel & Jew) kind of tribute it to Husky. Jew printed a picture of Husky and laminated it with dog-quote words and pinned it at the back of our running shirt.

This coming Sunday, we will all be running again for the Beach Run 'Race Against Time' in Batu Ferringi which is a run to boost awareness of organ donation. Now it does feel good to run and do something good at the same time. Apart from personal reason or goal for running, you can do your part for the community too. Isn't that great?

Despite my obvious change of heart on running, it might not be everyone's cup of tea but if you feel that you want to try it out (cause you'll never know if you never try either right), then I'll say...go for it! Run slowly at first...listen to some music to distract the temptation of stopping and I assure you that you'll feel like the healthiest people on earth after you are done with it.

Remind Yourself Everyday

2011-06-01T15:08:00.000+08:00

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about

Always choose life.

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

Forgive everyone, everything.

Early Morning Jog

2011-05-21T09:19:00.001+08:00

I decided to wake up early this morning to go for a jog and start the day early as I could not really go back to sleep after waking up around 6am.

The message from Chris Guillebeau keep on playing through my head while I lay in my bed contemplating on getting up.

"Why do you get out of bed in the mornings?"

Here's what he wrote in one of the articles that he emailed to every subscribers. A little motivation for your guys today.

May 19, 2011

Rain Running

Every Sunday morning that I'm in town, I head out for a long run. Two weekends ago at the waterfront, the weather was glorious. The whole city of Portland took up jogging or cycling.

Last weekend at the waterfront, the weather was more to our usual end-of-Spring form... rainy and gloomy. The whole city of Portland stayed indoors.

On the sunny day, joggers and cyclists smiled at each other with a mutual appreciation of our good fortune. The implied message was, "It's good to be alive!"

But on the rainy day, a much smaller crowd of amateur athletes nodded at each other with mutual pride. The implied message was, "Nice job. Glad to see you made it out while other people are sleeping in."

If I don't feel like running one weekend, I go anyway. It's not just out of duty -- nine times out of ten, I'm glad I went. The days I feel bad about my writing aren't the days when I've written poorly. It's the days where I've done everything but write -- those days are killer. If you base your workout schedule on the weather, you'll never build a habit of exercise.

The same is true for writing or any other creative practice: base it on anything outside your control, and good luck getting anything done.

In a creative practice, waiting for "inspiration" is the worst. I follow the Somerset Maugham school of inspiration: "I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately, it strikes every morning at nine o'clock sharp."

It might not be every morning at nine o'clock sharp for you, but the point is that inspiration shows up when you have a deadline to meet. If you don't have a real deadline, better make one up.

***

I always like to hear about other people's goals and projects. One interesting way to find out what motivates someone is to ask:

"Why do you get out of bed in the mornings?"

Sometimes the answer is "school" or "a job," and that's fine -- I don't think everyone should walk away from schools and jobs without a plan. But the obvious follow-up is, what if you didn't have the obligation; what would you get out of bed in the mornings for if it was completely up to you?

I get up to run on Sundays, rain or shine. I'd rather it be shining, but regardless, the shoes are by the door the night before. The other six days of the week, I get up to write. I'm working toward something; I'll put the miles in.

How about you -- why do you get out of bed in the mornings?

Emo

2011-05-20T18:25:00.000+08:00

Not really in a fine mood these last few days. I'm not going to let it show and hopefully I will feel alright again. What's wrong? I don't exactly know.

wtf$%^&#$!!@#it

Elmo & Sin Chan

2011-05-16T13:45:00.004+08:00

I have always love Sesame Street. Especially Elmo. He's just so adorable and cute. This is what happen if you have children at home and the only way to stop them from fighting with each other is to let them click the TV remote to their heart's content.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;I reme&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

I remember when my niece, Lisa and nephew, Ian were just learning how to draw and learn names for things, Elmo was one of the character that I used many times to help them identify stuff like...'nose', 'eyes', 'circle' and so on. I will draw Elmo starting from the neck, circle head and add ears and hairs...etc, and teach it to them so that it's easier to remember when they're drawing it at the same time.

It look something like this but I swear I'm much better at it then.

I can't really blame the kids for loving Sin Chan so much now that they are older. Look at what they have been exposed to. Sigh~

I have a song sang together with the drawings too. That Elmo drawing will go something like this...'I draw long, circle, eyes, nose, mouth, ear...and hair...Elmo!' It was a bit monotonous but those children have no idea about being sharp or a bit flat and stuff yet right...?

The Sin Chan song was a bit more creative since I got the lyrics from the comic book and I only have to make the whole melody up. It goes 'Ada sebuah bukit, berupa sebiji guli, sebiji kacang muncul di sebelah...buah ceri...buah ceri..Ulat bulu menyalam khabar baik..Jadi lah Sin Chan yang comel...' I hope I got that one right since I don't have the book anymore.

My sister was much better at the drawing stuff compared to me during those time. She will draw something more educational-type and the pictures look nicer every time. Sorry lah budak-budak, Ini ja aunty mampu. hahaha

I tried searching every mall but I still couldn't find the Sesame Street's T-Shirt (with Elmo in it of course) so if anyone of you out there who happen to see one please buy it for me first and we'll discuss about the details offline. Hahaha

Evening Run

2011-05-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling great running this evening and I'm determine to be more discipline in jogging everyday. I've had quite enough of people telling me that I gained some weight or that even though I did join a race events here and there but there's really not much of a difference in my body, etc. Plus, I want to feel more comfortable with my body (currently I'm feeling self-conscious so much, I don't like the feeling) and also as a way of boosting confidence and also there's the need to test just how much I can achieve in the next marathon event that I'm going to join.

3Km run will seems so easy for some people but for me it's a start. I jog for that exact amount of distance this evening without stopping and I'm feeling really happy because I didn't feel tired at all. Like what most people say about running, it's all pretty much depends on psychology. I decided that I'm just going to run happily and not going to think about the tiredness and that's exactly what happen. Wohoo!

Let's see how it goes tomorrow.

Enjoy The Ride

2011-05-10T17:30:00.001+08:00

It's a very good reminder for me who likes driving fast every time but apart from that, this also applies in life...sometimes, it's great to just slow down and appreciate your surroundings.

Events Tracking...

2011-05-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

Done/ Registered...

Penang MALAKOFF Run, 8Km - 27th March 2011

Sepang Energizer Night Race, 11Km - 16th April 2011

Larian Perpaduan, 6Km - 08th May 2011

Coming up/ Yet to register...
- Kuala Kangsar Larian Hari Keputeraan Sultan Azlan Shah - 22nd May 2011
- SPCA Penang Charity Run - 29th May 2011
- KOMTAR Tower Run - 12th Jun 201
- Ipoh International Run - 03rd July 2011
- Penang Bridge International Marathon - 20th November 2011

Trip Back Home

2011-04-27T13:21:00.000+08:00

Only 2 more days and then I'll be at home with Mom, sis and the kids. :-)

The Office

2011-04-21T15:33:00.003+08:00

It happen to every offices in this world. I have only been changing jobs two times but let me tell you what I have seen so far. No matter where you are right now, which company, big or small, there is always this one type of colleague.

The Pervert.

They think they are being funny and open la konon...but seriously, there's a very fine line between being funny and being offensive. Sot punya orang. Tsk tsk tsk.

Btw, somebody in the office (nasib baik bukan tu si Pervie...kalau nda aku tempiling la dia..haha) said that I'm becoming fatter. Here I am joining Marathon and all that...jogging every evening...and I'm fatter??? Wtf. Nda la suda mo jogging. hahaha

Thank You For Smoking

2011-04-20T12:02:00.005+08:00

Yay. Found the movie accidentally while surfing the internet. Been trying to remember the title of that movie. I watched it when I was still in campus. It's quite an interesting movie and I had a good time watching it. You guys should watch this. Especially if you are the smoking type. Hahaha..kidding. Anyone can watch this no problem.

I'm thinking of buying the book. Hmmm.

That's it.

2011-04-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

It has to stop somehow. For your own good. Stop feeling insecure and stop thinking about those things that makes you feel second best. Don't ever let anyone makes you feel less about yourself anymore. Never rely on anyone to make you feel good about yourself. You don't need their compliment and you don't need sweet words. You don't have to be this or that enough for someone. What happen to the girl who always believe in herself no matter what. You don't have to dig deep and look far. It's in you. It has always been there.

Today I don't feel like doing anything...

2011-04-14T23:55:00.001+08:00

...I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything.....la la la la la

Nice song.

Btw, I'm supposed to be out and jog around this evening but really really feel lazy like really really lazy. Haha

Hello tummy...you okay there...tulung jangan bertambah gemuk lagi k...bisuk sy kasi jugging kau...

Tsk tsk tsk

Toasted.

2011-04-13T22:12:00.001+08:00

That's what happen today. My colleagues been pestering me to join the Motorola Toastmaster and I join for the first time this afternoon. I'm quite the chatty type...at least if I wanted to but maybe due to rustiness, I could not really think of anything interesting to say during the table topic presentation.

You know people, no matter how boring the topic might be, you can always find something interesting, not-so-off topic stuff that you can put in your story to make people interested in listening to you and for you to have a fun experience. I'll try to remember that for the next session.

Those Words...

2011-04-06T00:21:00.002+08:00

I found it. And I'm happy. From the bottom of my heart. Nothing else matter now but you.

Time Flies

2011-04-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

It's already April. I have a feeling that time passes quicker every year. And I've been busy. In a good way of course. Hi hi hi.

Working life is so far so good. Very busy but I'm happy with the way things are now. Been up hiking and also fishing (Bukit Jambul, Youth Park, Pantai Kerachut) and jog every evening getting ready for all the run that I have registered.

In February, I went to Kelantan for the first time for my best friend's wedding. Congratulation again Axxa. Love you. :-) It was a very good trip and I get to see another part of this country that is quite unique and different. I have some pictures taken all around town but have to dig it out somewhere.

Two weeks before, on 20th March I went down to Singapore (also my first time) for work purpose. Visiting customer which happen to be one of those great places to be in Singapore. Sentosa World Resort. It was a very good trip and I'm happy I did a great job and able to produce good field report. I get to hang out with Rayner, Cecilia and Brandon too, which have kept their promise to treat me well if I ever visit them there. Thank you guys. :-)

@ Clarke Quay

I think this is @ 313

First run of the year was the Malakoff Run. I did 1hr 03mins for a 8Km run. Proud of me. It could have been better if Wel didn't trick me into walking for a good few minutes! I won't fall for that again next time Wel. So you better watch out. Kidding! Hahaha Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Energizer Night Run in three weeks time!

Us after the run

And that's roughly what I have been up to these last few months. I'm grateful for all of the great things that had happen so far.

Thank you life.

Letting go...really?

2011-03-23T23:46:00.009+08:00

I'm not a very good person. Honestly. So why in the world would I thought of all these demands? That I deserve much more than this. That I don't have to let myself go through all this. That I can choose other ways to be happy.

This was all I can think of most of the time. Everyday. Every single waking hour since I got myself into this... Sometimes I wonder why do I let myself to be hurt when I can choose not to.

Anyone have any idea how hard this is for me? No. How crazy it is to keep things to yourself and always feel second best?Again, no.

I have try reasoning with myself, trying to tell myself that it's okay not to be treated the way I wish I am. That if I just try my best, put my heart into it and make all the effort I can think of...whatever happen after this, at least I tried. But when it is time to really harden my heart and think of what's best for me...it's really hard too. It's hard to imagine life without...

All I ever want...is to be fully loved just the way I am. I don't want somebody who need to try to like me. Why try? It only means one thing, they don't really like you. Let go.

I thought that I'm never going to be good enough...but I never try asking myself up until now that maybe it's the other way around?

Let me ask you this...

2011-03-14T20:31:00.001+08:00

can you or can you not love someone unconditionally even without that person ever loving you back completely?

Lesson For Today

2011-03-01T16:15:00.000+08:00

An e-mail from boss this morning...enjoy reading.

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently

1. Get specific

When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. "Lose 5 pounds" is a better goal than "lose some weight," because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you'll "eat less" or "sleep more" is too vague — be clear and precise. "I'll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights" leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you've actually done it.

2. Seize the moment to act on your goals.

Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it's not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.
To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., "If it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I'll work out for 30 minutes before work.") Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

3. Know exactly how far you have left to go.

Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don't know how well you are doing, you can't adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.

4. Be a realistic optimist.

When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don't underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good.

Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won't improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.
Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

6. Have grit.

Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The good news is, if you aren't particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don't have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking .... well, there's no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

7. Build your willpower muscle.

Your self-control "muscle" is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn't get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you'd honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don't. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur ("If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.") It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that's the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

8. Don't tempt fate.

No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it's important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don't try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don't put yourself in harm's way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won't do.

Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., "Don't think about white bears!") has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.
If you want change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like "If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down." By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.

8:58 AM Friday February 25, 2011
by Heidi Grant Halvorson

A baby girl was born...

2011-02-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

...about 2 and a half hours from now, 26 years ago.

:-)

Another Day

2011-02-14T17:38:00.002+08:00

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

AM on 2nd Day

2011-02-10T10:37:00.003+08:00

I woke up 15 minutes earlier this morning! Hihihi...

I took my time in the shower, had breakfast at home instead of going to the office cafe and I get to spend more time bercantik-cantik in front of the mirror, applying face powder carefully and putting a bit of a blusher for a change so, no more of that "You look pale, are you not feeling well?" or "You look like a ghost, please just go back early today and get a rest" kind of comments. I got all that since secondary school. The best one so far is the one I got yesterday, "Clarice, why do look green?" That was creative. Never get that before. Green? Hahahaha...then I know I seriously need to do something about it. Light make up everyday or just drink more blood. Lol.

Anyway, on my way to the office, I heard 'The Climb' and 'Man In The Mirror' on the radio and sing along with it. I feel strangely happy and quite in a good mood. Like everything will just go smoothly and fine today.

Happy Working! :)

AM on 1st Day

2011-02-09T12:56:00.000+08:00

8.45am. Yay!

Alarm Clock

2011-02-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

I'm going to need that more than ever.

I'm struggling with work related stress at this very moment. I'm trying not to let it affect me so much so that for the first time ever I can feel my blood pressure leveled up. To those of you who didn't know, that's quite an achievement for me because I have a long history of suffering the opposite of that.

Jewin said to me, "Go blogging."

I didn't have the slightest interest of pressuring my mind on what to write and what not to write or all those other what-not when it comes to blogging difficulty but here's what I should do, at least according to Robin Sharma. Or not. Whatever.

Think of how to get up early.

I know you probably think like, wth! Yeah. I didn't actually plan on writing that. I was already in the middle of something more relevant to a de-stress stuff but I deleted it and opt for this one instead.

When you think about it, planning on doing something out of ordinary, something you don't usually do or you just to lazy to even think about it, actually help to get us into the excited mode. I am now but I can feel that it is starting to diminish so I should finish this quick so that it won't go to the drafted lists and never get posted.

Why I Even Think of Getting Up Early.
1) Apparently I just needed something to think of now other than the expectation of my boss.

2) This is quite a big thing for me because I like waking up and going to work in my own time. If I get to do this at least for 21 days, it's really something and I will celebrate it with pampering myself in a spa or something or to put this more simply - To challenge myself.

3) This actually is a great gift for myself - I get more life.

4) I suddenly agree with Benjamin Franklin that there'll be plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.

So that's the Why, now is the How.
1) Get super fit, you'll require less sleep. - which can only mean 1 thing for me. Start jogging again!

2) Get every single weekend massage. Hmm.

3) Eat less food. You can eat every 4 hours...but still reduce the quantity. Never eat after 8pm.

4) Get up in the morning, sit on your chair, get a piece of paper, and start dumping all your worries in it because when you worry, you'll lose energy.

5) Learn to find ways to love you job.

Not really sound interesting or motivational enough? Just do it and stop whining. Note for me and also for you, if you don't get it the first time...try again the next morning...and the morning after that. Once you got it, give me a high 5 here.

Ready, Get Set, Go!

Arrowhead!

2011-02-07T22:40:00.001+08:00

Looking cute here.

I remember seeing this in Tesco for the past few weeks and have always wanted to find out how to cook this mysterious (at least to me) little bulb plant. And...of course I forgot about it every time but guess what?

I freaking ate it the whole day without knowing! I was eating a 'kerepek' that my colleague, Ziet Hong gave me as a Chinese New Year cookies and while doing some google-ing I saw a picture of the deep-fried Arrowhead and thought it look familiar.

"Of course it look familiar. That's what you've been eating non-stop since morning," said Ziet Hong.

I was laughing merrily at that. Now I know how it is cooked and I get to eat it at the same time! Kah Kah Kah...

Gotcha!

Apparently, it is a popular Chinese New Year festive chips. No wonder I've been seeing it around!

"Some people also grow the bulb to decorate their house during the festive period because the auspicious-looking arrowhead-shaped leaves symbolise (i) growth and prosperity (步步高升) as well as (ii) blessings for a male offspring." - Wiffy

Not that I'm looking for any kind of offspring right now but I'm quite happy for this new discovery today. [smiley.smiley]

Angels Brought Me Here

2011-02-01T14:34:00.001+08:00

Listening to a music and songs that I love has always been like some kind of a therapy for me. I realize that when everything else fails, this will never let me down.

Been listening to Carrie Underwood songs which soothes me over like nothing else can and found this. Nice one!

Btw, she's also a Pisces like me, we are those who are very sensitive and compassionate. Hehe...ada point kah? lol

A Song For Me & You

2011-02-01T00:38:00.001+08:00

About two weeks from now, I'll be singing in a competition again. Excited much? Yeah!

It's a duet and this is the song that me and my duet partner are going to sing.

I'll Be Your Angel - Celine Dion & R-Kelly

And I wanna say thank you for all the small things that matter. If you ever feel down, just remember those moments that makes you smile, those gestures that touched you...and everything will be alright.

Wild Random Jokes For The Day

2011-01-31T11:01:00.001+08:00

There's always something...that will makes me feel unhappy. It's not fair. All I can do is to cry silently. What did I ever do to you to deserve this? I'd rather be alone than to be made to feel like this. Nothing I ever say makes any difference anyway.

World On A String

2011-01-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

Yep. I've got the world on a string. [smile.and.smile.again]

It was on one fine Sunday afternoon. Three friends were drinking beer. We were a bit drunk I guess. Me and Jew were talking about our last year's plan which was him teaching me to play guitar. Then Wel said to me, "Let's go and buy your guitar." And as usual, my reply to that was, "I'll buy it at the end of this month [which already been months]. I don't really have a budget for that now."

The next thing I knew, I was already on my way to the guitar shop. That was actually very nice. The spontaneity and all. I owe you this one Wel. Thank you so much! [and.smile.again] Although, I could not really have much sense on picking up my best guitar choice due to dizziness. Haha.

And, as you may already guess, I now have a guitar. My very first one. [smile.and.smile.again] I am very much excited about it. After work today, Jew already teach me a few techniques and I'm going to master that myself before I go and ask him another new skill to ~~show off~~ learn.

I'm going to be quite occupied on weekdays from now on. Everyday after work, it's a guitar lesson, jogging and going back to school which is opening up the Mechanics of Materials because I am much aware of my weak Mechanical basic and I'm making an effort to be better. I should win the best employee or something this year. Kidding! And I also need to teach Jew the Solidwork design which we agreed upon in exchange to him teaching me to be a musician. Nice. Haha

Ok. Enough writing for now. I want to do a bit of virtual farming and then strum a little. A bit of G and C to life...then off to sleep.

Everything and everyone. Thank you.

When Necessary

2011-01-14T13:34:00.001+08:00

Yes. You don't have to finish you medicine just because you feel like it. If the pain stop, give it maybe 1 or 2 days then don't take anymore of those pills. I don't really have a concrete reason. I just don't like the thought of it. It's not natural and definitely not organic. Haha

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling like my head weigh a hundred pound and after settling a few task at the office, I took a half day off for my body to rest and chase away those viruses. I'm suppose to feel drowsy now. I got like 5 packet of different medicine prescribe by the doctor today. Maybe I should have crunch it to make the effect way faster? Urghh...Maybe not.

One thing I know that I should do is to stop thinking too much. Just let it all go fuck itself away and I'll be ok.

I'm getting myself ready for the sleepiness now. Haha

And yeah, I'm grateful for the doctor for giving me the medicine and let me take a day off. Thank you very much.

Nitey nitey everyone.

Words...they tend to confuse you.

2011-01-13T22:36:00.003+08:00

I'm in my room, feeling at peace but also feels quite 'new'. Like I'm still getting used to it..but here, I can look at every single thing around and nothing else to be reminded of. Just me and my stuff.

I plan to do a bit more decluttering and maybe to change the bedroom setting to avoid knocking over the edge of the bed. But that would take quite some time and energy so maybe tomorrow. Or the day after. I haven't decide.

Mcm ok jg kalau kaler merah kan. :-D

I should sleep early tonight. I thought of finishing a book or watch the movie 'The Three Idiots' my colleague gave me this morning but now I don't really feel like it. Just thinking of hitting the sack.

Maybe I should meditate a bit...clearing my mind off those things that are unnecessary and then go to bed and wake up fresh and happy tomorrow.

I will do that.

And, I'm grateful for being me. With all the imperfection and flaws.

I haven't got my gratitude journal so...that's why. :)

Good night everyone.

Why.

2011-01-13T14:00:00.001+08:00

Do you know the feeling you have when you are trying to blog but you just keeps on deleting one sentence to another because no matter how personal your blog might be...it is still public and accessible and that no matter how much you want to put some things into words, you don't really want to just let go and offer your vulnerability side in one silver platter... That you know the stories and words are flowing inside your mind... That the stories isn't quite finish... and yet you push the 'publish post' button... separating those that can be shared and those that you just want to keep it to yourself. No matter how much you actually want to let it out.

That's what happen every time.

Why.

WikiHow

2011-01-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

Keep a gratitude journal. Challenge yourself to write down five new things every day that you're grateful for. It'll be easy in the beginning, but soon you'll discover that you have to increase your awareness to keep on.

Try to focus on the positive, instead. Be thankful for what you have. And remember that if someone is going to hurt you, there's nothing you can do to stop it anyway. No amount of nagging, monitoring, accusation, snooping, or guarding will prevent you from being hurt. If you believe in someone, believe in them completely; give them all your trust. The benefit of the doubt is essential for any relationship to work. - WikiHow.

To Try, To Love, Be Understanding & Believe in Life.

2011-01-06T00:09:00.000+08:00

Let me start the post in 2011 with this song from one of my favourite singer, Delta Goodrem. After all, this year is going to be as awesome as this song. I have no doubt about that.

"Born To Try"

Doing everything that I believe in
Going by the rules that I've been taught
More understanding of what's around me
And protected from the walls of love

All that you see is me
And all I truly believe

That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like

But I was born to try

No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture

And all that you see is me
And all I truly believe

That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like

But I was born to try

All that you see is me
All I truly believe
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe

That I was born to try

I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like

But I was born to try

But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like

But I was born to try...

New Year's Eve

2010-12-31T23:55:00.002+08:00

It's almost 2011. Feeling a bit nervous and also excited thinking of the great things the new year have to offer.

Happy New Year Everyone. I guess this is my last post for 2010. Again, it's been a full year, with so much things that had happen. And gratefulness is all i feel. :-)

Tanggayon do muli...

2010-12-31T08:00:00.000+08:00

...hilo negara kedua ku..haha

1) Tuhau
2) Bambangan
3) Lado Topurak
4) Kuih Cincin

Hehe....haro poh kantoh suai nga intangan poh lah..any suggestion? haha

A few days left at home.

2010-12-30T12:09:00.001+08:00

I guess we are not going back to Ranau this year. I feel slightly disappointed but well, we can always go back next year.

Sist and two of her youngest kids are going back to Kota Marudu soon. Lisa and Ian will continue to study in Stella Maris Primary School.

Plan to do a small party at home tomorrow. With balloons and party hats. Maybe somewhere in the morning or evening, I should bring them out, all of us to somewhere I still need to think of. Hehe.

Apa la..

2010-12-29T12:05:00.002+08:00

Adei..bagus2 sy ada mood mo blogging td..trus malas sda skg..ada seja yg bikin panas. I should get away from virtual world/ social network until new year lah ni to mantain a good vibe.

But I have to schedule a few posts so that everything ends at 9 every year. But then..I don't want it to be like ntah apa2 seja punya post..Hmm..apa la ni mo tulis.

Post from home.

2010-12-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

A few more days left at home. And a few more days to go for a new year.

Hmm.

Yeeehaaa!

2010-12-18T17:18:00.000+08:00

Off to Sabah. Bye Everyone! ho ho ho

Please be better

2010-12-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad that I'm feeling much better. I have been feeling like that one time I was almost hospitalize due to dehydration all evening. I felt so weak I can hardly lift myself up from the bed. My body must have been fighting off the viruses so hard that even when I was resting, I still felt ridiculously tired.

Now still got a mild headache but I don't have a fever anymore. Pliz pliz be better by tomorrow. I wanna go home d.

How To Cure Flu

2010-12-17T11:05:00.000+08:00

Tsk...tsk...I just want to get it over with. I don't want to be sick during holiday...especially the first few days.

So I google this and now feeling like a bloating panda due to non-stop drinking of hot fluids.

1) Drink a lot of hot fluids (teas, soups, etc.) to keep you hydrated, warm and to dilute toxins. This also helps your immune system to fight and prevent the influenza virus, drinking herbal tea should help to relieve a sore throat

2) Drink lots of juices (orange juices, multivitamin juices, etc.) vitamins in juices will help your immune system, therefore cure the illness faster.

3) Stay warm. Sweating helps to get rid of toxins and to recover your body faster.

4) Keep your feet warm (put on some pleasant socks) warm feet helps blood circulation.

5) Have a balanced diet. Eat lots of vegetables and fruits, this is one of the most important actions you can take to boost your immune system.

6) Eat or chew few pieces of raw garlic, It helps your blocked nose and sore throat. Some experts say that garlic is also very good for boosting your immune system, therefore helping to cure and prevent the flu.

7) Rest. Your body uses a lot of energy to fight the virus, being tired will delay the healing process.

Mainan...mainan...

2010-12-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

Done buying presents for the kids. Going to wrap it tomorrow.

Lego, Barbie and collection of trucks.

And....I'm ready to go! haha..awal bah.

Holiday Mood Is In The Air

2010-12-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

I think I found a destination to bring my mom for her first time out-of-country travel for next year. If all go well, I hope I can make it as a surprise birthday gift or something. :) I thought about it while thinking of my own travel plan (Wel, pigi Vietnam ka tu kau bilang next year?). I'm going to take her to apply for a passport once I'm back at home in a few more days. That's one step done and closer to really doing it.

I foresee that 2011 will be a very busy year. With all the outdoor activities me and the guys have been planning...futsal, hiking, badminton, fishing, drinking (hehe) and to join all the run or walk or maybe even cycling (mo tunggu si Jew betul2 pi pasang badan tu tulang basikal dia di rumah dlu) that Penang has to offer next year. Or maybe Singapore. Or KL. We'll see about that.

And a busy weeks ahead up until new year. Hmmm.

Life is Good. And not a commercial of LG.

2 days to go.

2010-12-15T20:58:00.001+08:00

Migraine is gone. Task no.3 is done and the 1st and 2nd task will be done tomorrow. Then Friday is going to be just making sure everything is pack and done...and come Saturday, I'm off to Sabah! Woohooo!

Oh no.

2010-12-14T17:45:00.001+08:00

I am having a mild migraine since Sunday night. It may be due to hormonal reason that happen to girls each month or something else but whatever it is, I want it to disappear as I need to get a few things ready before going back this coming Saturday.

1) Get a dress for Rayner's wedding. Ntah brapa kali mau survey baru mau puas hati..ish ish ish.
2) Buy presents for the kids at home. Apparently they are coming back to KK earlier than me. Surely, they'll be waiting for the presents.
3) Wash the traveling bag and pile of clothes before Friday. At least.

Hmm...that's just three things actually kan. 1 item 1 day, should be done by Friday. I have to force myself lah ni. Siapa suruh last minute.

Season of Everything

2010-12-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

I have been playing too much Farm Ville on Facebook lately. Not that I'm bored with nothing to do but I guess it's the season of everything. Christmas season, farming season...you name it.

It's only a week now before going back to Sabah to be with my family and friends. I'm very much looking forward to it. Even though as usual I wish I have more money for everything.

A lot of things have happened this year. I quit my previous job last August and now working in XXX company. So far, I have been quite happy working with the new company although of course there's a few ups and down when you are still a new hire. Quite differently now, I don't really mind working extra late and I have not yet have the dreaded feeling of waking up to work as what I have sometimes felt in my previous company. I guess, it was really a time to change for me. Nothing is ever routine now. Everything is new. There's so much to catch up and to learn fast. The expectation is high and sometimes I feel stupid. But I'm going to enjoy it as long as I can. Before the curve turn to flat.

And...I'm single again. It was the right thing to do and I'm not going to go into much detail on that.

I still have my own way of seeing life and let me tell you this. Right and wrong is just a matter of opinion. More than often, I'm always optimistic. And I may seems naive at times, but that's my choice. I choose to live like that. There are times when I want to be careful and there are times when I can just accept-no-problem if I'm being cheated into, robbed or tricked. I may not have a strong stance over something that seems a small matter to me or just those things that I don't feel strongly about but for other things that does matter, there's really nothing you can do or say to make me change my mind.

I wrote about doing just two things this year at the start of the year and I'm glad I did it. I definitely want to repeat that resolution and also add those that I already plan in my head.

The year have not even finish yet, but I already have plans for the next coming one. Now that everything seems to go well and to the right direction, all I can think of for next year is to make everything better than it is now. There's a few things I had in mind. And you bet I'll do it all.

For these next few weeks, I just have to give my energy, attention and commitment to the family back at home. Excited much?

Family Trip This Year

2010-12-09T00:03:00.001+08:00

A thought about family trip came across my mind just now while surfing through the internet and I was thinking, me and my family never actually done this as an annual thingy. But then, all of a sudden I thought about those unplanned and spontaneous outing we did before and actually yes, we did have it every once in a while.

It maybe a small trip like going to the Poring Hot Spring just for the kids to swim or 'berendam' around or this one time when we went to the Lok Kawi Wildlife Park to amuse the kids because they all been taught to love animals, but when I think about it, yeah...it's where me, sist, mom and all the kids got together and I'm happy just thinking about it now.

Maybe this year I should plan about something nicer for all of us. It doesn't have to be fancy and everything as long as the happiness is there. I wonder where we should go. Any suggestion? :)

24K Gold

2010-12-07T23:09:00.001+08:00

I bought a set of eye mask supposedly filled with 24K active gold to beautify and invigorate (yeah~) the skin on the eye zone from a boutique a few months ago..when the lady explained on how to apply it, I remember I was nodding here and there with understanding.

I finally get myself to use it a minute ago..confirm lah lupa! and..the writing which looks to me like a direction of use, is in Chinese.

Harap-harap mata xbertukar jadi kuning keemasan esok. lol

2010-12-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

2010-11-30T15:51:00.001+08:00

I'm not really feeling enthusiastic about work today. My nose is stuffy and I have to let go a dry cough and inhale deeply to take a breath of air. I felt unreasonably tired and my eyes are heavy as if asking me to take a rest and have a good sleep. Uhuk..uhuk..ehemm..ehemm..

Of Many Things...

2010-11-27T02:05:00.001+08:00

Sist and her kids have gone back to her husband's hometown. Mom is alone again at home. I called her up and we had a really nice talk.

We talked about many things. Baby Ryan is growing up fast and getting so funny and bikin gerigitan. He gets so cheeky at trying not to get caught hiding the paper plane he plan to throw at the neighbour's cat. Or gets teary eyed and using his baby-power of being adorable and run quickly to hug you as some kind of a sorry act just before you are about to do some spanking. Bless him. Ian is his usual self, not really care much about the fuss and everything except for a must have Milo on every trip to the grocery store and the latest i'm-not-quite-sure-what-the-name-was candy kids are apparently gets so crazy nowadays.

Nanak is also still at her usual rant of "Mama, kau sayang aku?" or "Oh, kau sayang baby sama Ian seja skg kan. Aku nda mau tolong kau suda lah." everytime she's getting in a quarrel with anyone in the house. Typical Nanak. Adi Kecil is getting more cunning each day. Being good to you if she want to tag along when you are going out and ignore you right away once she's safely home with all the goodies she manage to put her hands on.

And it was Christmas mood. Mom was asking whether to change the green christmas tree to a white one this year, on plans for a type of dishes during family gathering and what I should get for the kids for christmas presents and so on. Looking forward to being back home now. :)

I told Mom about the singing performance in the company and I was pleasantly suprised that she actually remember one of the song.

"Saya nyanyi tu lagu yang saya ikut pertandingan di Central dulu tu."
"I Turn To You kah?" She said.

It was like 5 years ago or something. She has always been so supportive of me in singing.

Then I'm not quite sure how we came to the matter of marriage and kids and when I gently told her that I may not be getting married in near future, or maybe ever, she was still quite a sport about it like how she did all this while. I guess she always know that I have my own way of looking at things in life and she respected that. What suprised me the most was when I told her that if I never get to meet someone who likes me enough to marry me, then I may want to consider just having a baby and be a single mother, we were actually discussing about how to make it happen! Haha...but still as a mother, I know she would like it for me to settle down with a nice guy and have a good marriage but at the same time, still open with anything that I may decide. Love her so much. :)

When we get to the point of talking about the recent accident, I think that we were both trying to hold our emotion and trying not to cry on the phone. The thought of Nanak getting hurt and scared like that really makes me and Mom emotional and very protective. It's just obvious even among the family member that we both really thought of Nanak as our own daughter and that we love her so much.

I was trying to hold my tears when Mom recall the story of the accident and also the kindness of the guy and his girlfriend who help them all throughout the entire process of taking them to the hospital, waiting up in the hospital together, even asking Mom to just rest and took charge of consulting with the doctors and sending them home. When Mom was at loss for words feeling so touch by their kindness, they actually went and hug Mom just to say that everything is allright and checking up on Nanak after a few days just to see how she's doing. We were just feeling so lucky and grateful to meet someone like them. I told Mom that we should invite them to our family gathering this year. I really want to meet these two lovely souls in person.

And...after almost two hours talking on the phone, nasib baik dua-dua mau p kancing kalau nda tia pandai putus-putus bercerita. Haha

Everywhere

2010-11-26T16:55:00.001+08:00

It went well on both days. I am so happy with all the feedback so far. Everyone has enjoy the performance.

Hee hee...

Because You Love Me

2010-11-24T23:47:00.001+08:00

That was the song.

After quite some time...I got a chance to sing for an event again. I was quite nervous and I think it shows.

It was a bit embarassing.

I'm singing again tomorrow, for the second day of the event and I hope I'm done with the nervousness by then. I just prepared for one song each day but maybe I have to sing two songs tomorrow. I have pick another quite an easy song and I'm hoping I can deliver it well.

I really love singing and the best part out of it is when I know that people enjoyed it. I always have this idea of just performing and singing but I don't have to be like a commercial artist or something. Just singing. And making people happy.

I'm really grateful everytime I'm given a chance to sing a song, entertaining people despite feeling anxious once in a while. I'm quite excited for tomorrow and really really want to do the best I can. Wish me luck!

Last Night...

2010-11-23T13:12:00.000+08:00

When it ended, I could feel my chest hurting and I was short of breath. Everything I felt before I opened my eyes, I could still feel every sensation of it, physically and emotionally. I almost cried trying to ease it away, assuring myself that it was just a dream. And the first thing I did instinctively once I woke up was trying to get away.

I guess what happen was, I was dreaming about something that I know have been bothering me but I never really talk about it and I just let it rest deep inside my subconscious mind. I know it may probably start sounding like something you get from the movie Inception but we all knows that some part of that movie is true.

And I still couldn't shake everything away, every flash of scene, every faces seen and every felt emotion. I had this kind of dream before. And what really hurt about it was, it may not even happen yet but it will and I'll know for sure a few days later. Like a call from a friend. Or a confession. The gut feeling you have just right after waking up.

10Km Run..

2010-11-22T00:11:00.001+08:00

...for Penang Bridge International Marathon 2010.

I was able to finish within 1 hour 30 minutes and got my finisher medal.

Yay!

Update: Official time is 1hr 15min. If I really train starting from now, I can think of joining the 21Km next year. The only thing is...bikin penat ba tu lama betul mo lari...kin malas betul. Aishhhh... :-D

Accident

2010-11-19T13:31:00.003+08:00

Mom called at 3.00am today. She couldn't sleep. And after that it was hard for me to sleep either.

They had an accident at around 11pm last night. She and my niece, Lisa. I could feel my heart skipped a beat when I heard that. I mean this is going to be the second time Lisa is involved in a car accident. And looks like both, she had the worst. When it happened last year, she was stuck beneath the car tyre. This time, she was thrown out from the car. I have to literally close my eyes to shake away the feeling of panic and tried listening to my mom talking on the phone. I couldn't thank God enough that mom and Lisa are alright. Mom was feeling chest pain due to the impact and Lisa got cuts and bruises but otherwise fine.

They were on their way to the airport to fetch my cousin and my uncle was driving. They stopped at the red traffic light but looks like a mad girl with a P license was trying to run the red light and slammed the side of the car on the back passenger side, to where Lisa was sitting. The car spun twice. Mom was in shock and I think she lose consciousness for a slight second and only realize that Lisa was gone when she saw the back door opened and Lisa was nowhere in sight. Malam lagi tu. Sakit jantung aku fikir. She tried going out from the car but the door was stuck. Things do tend to get worse when something bad is happening. Sigh.

After Lisa was thrown out from the car, I guess she panic and all she can think of was the last accident so she get up and ran away, so afraid that the same thing might happened again but the problem was, she was running in panic and it was dark and raining and anything could happen. Luckily, there's a very kind man who saw the whole thing and ran to get Lisa and carry her to mom. He then offered to send Lisa to the hospital. Him and his girlfriend was so kind and attentive to both Lisa and mom that I could feel the rush of gratitude towards both of them.

"I feel like she is my own daughter. The way she put the sweater over Lisa when she's in cold, hugging her close and holding her feet between her palms to keep Lisa warm, and the words she spoken to me. I'm so grateful I wish I have done something for their kindness." My mom said that to me on the phone.

It's okay mom. You were in shock. Let us keep them in our prayer for their kindness.

That night, I wish it had all happen to me instead. Kesian bah. Lisa, still so small and have to endure that kind of experience. Twice.God knows I love her and mom more than anything in this world. I'm so grateful that both of them are okay.

Thank you Lord for everything. And God bless the two good Samaritan and keep them safe in whatever they are doing.

2010-11-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence.
There are no miracles.
There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be.

Voldy's gone moldy?

2010-11-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

I'm an ardent fan of Harry Potter. I admit that. So, my overly excited feelings for the Part 1 of the final movie is totally understandable.

Jom p tgk wayang! Wohooo!

I'll leave you with this quote from Hogwarts' Headmaster:-

"Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living. Above all, pity those who live without love. - Albus Dumbledore"

And you can watch the trailer here:-

http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/harrypotterandthedeathlyhallows/mainsite/index.html

2010-11-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

After all is said and done...I sincerely wish and hope for all the happiness in this world for you.

Have a good life.

I'm doing just fine.

2010-11-10T13:14:00.000+08:00

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

You go girl.

Life...

2010-10-27T23:04:00.001+08:00

...is simple. Maybe just not easy.

I wonder how the writers do it. They must have lots of writer's block moment and yet they keep coming in with new books and stories. I don't exactly have any kind of block but it's just that whenever I have something to write about, before I even start typing a few words, there's always this heavy feeling or excuse coming out from deep within my chest that makes me stop and never start on anything.

There has been so much things going on in these last few months and naturally for other people who's having this kind of moments, there will be much to tell...lots of stuff to share but suddenly I'm becoming more private than ever.

Life has been fair. I'm grateful for everything. Whether it's hard, it's great or it's confusing...gratitude is all i feel right now.

Sometimes you see people around you chasing after something, walking fast to be there first, to save the time and go to the next thing. Even myself feel impatient with how things are turning out once in while. There's always a need to feel something in a blink of an eye. To have something right away.

But at this very moment, I feel like I just want to go slow with the flow of life. Something like going slow motion with living. I don't want to hurry but be there when it happens.

And I'm happy just the way I am now.

Life

2010-10-04T23:30:00.000+08:00

Life is what happen when you busy not making any plans but just live life the way you know how.

Bila kana call pukul 3 pagi...

2010-09-23T03:48:00.000+08:00

...ini lah kejadian dia. Terpaksa ada luahan nda tahan mau simpan nda dapat tidur.

Satu ja la sy mau bagitau kau. Jangan telampau jahat sama orang sebab apa pun yang berlaku akan jadi sama semua orang juga bergantung sama macamna gaya kau selama ini. You reap what you sow. Or the famous saying of what comes around will always comes back around.

Cuma kadang-kadang, kalau pasal mentaliti, susah mau ubah sebab kalau sudah memang tembirang seja gaya sama cara berfikir memang tembirang seja la tu biar apa pun kau cakap. Ramai juga yang nda pandai sedar yang kalau dorang buat jahat sama orang sekarang, benda-benda begitu mesti (200% mesti) akan berlaku juga sama dorang tu lain kali. Telampau banyak sudah contoh berlaku mcmtu. Kalau kau masih nda tau, then you'll have your time soon. Bukan juga mau menyumpah orang tapi mcmtu seja baru orang sedar supaya jangan telampau jahat sama kasi betul sikit tu pikiran lah kalau buli.

Jangan ada tu fikiran yang kalau masa tu kau ada duit, 'ada-ada' la orang bilang, semua orang lain yang miskin kau mau pandang rendah. Atau kau mau sampai orang terfikir yang kau anggap dia mcm sampah-sampah seja teda guna-guna sebab apa harta pun teda jadi apa cakapan pun nda buli pakai. Kau gila kah? Ingat orang kaya seja punya cakapan buli guna kah?

Ni kali tia pa. Saya faham juga kenapa mau buat begini. Kasi chance la. Lain kali, bila sampai sudah masa dia semua benda mau bongkar kasi shove di muka kamurang, I wish to God saya ada sana masa tu. How dare you do all these things to the person I love most.

All the things she and I have been wanting to say to all of you. Especially her. Saya nda apa lagi, muda lagi baru 17 tahun jadi ada banyak lagi benda yang saya belum terasa semua. Tapi pigi buat benda begitu sama orang yang berpuluh-puluh tahun suda hidup di dunia. Macam nda cukup-cukup lagi kesusahan mau kasi rasa. Jaga la kamurang semua betul-betul nanti.

Sabar seja la dulu ah. Everything will always go right in the end.

Of Being Dusun

2010-09-13T19:37:00.001+08:00

I almost forgot just how proud I have always been of being born a Dusun girl. Of how unique the culture and the language are. And how beautiful everything it represents.

It must be because I've been listening to Dusun's songs almost everyday these last few weeks and sometimes it feels closer to home and it makes me realize that I'm not that Penangite after all.

I have to thank my friend Jewin for telling me about his sister's blog (in which I have taken instant likeness after reading the first entry) and also the song in the post that have made all the forgotten emotion to re-surface and I have this huge fondness for the kid Sakril Sidik @ Adi who sang that song, Tinggur Bulawan beautifully. It's just so sad that he passed away too soon. May his soul rest in peace.

There's so much to tell about Dusun and I'm not quite sure if I can do the justice it deserve in writing so here's something short taken from Wikipedia. If you want to know more, go get a Dusun friend now. ;-)

"The vast majority of Kadazandusuns live in the hills and upland valleys and have a reputation for peacefulness, hospitality, hard work, frugality, drinking, and are averse to violence, although in the recent past they did indulge in headhunting as part of their tribal wars.

Kadazandusuns are known as the Latin artists of the East, being famous in the state for love and passion for music. Their traditional dances appear attractive and gentle full of passion for life, making the Kadazandusun culture a popular and beautiful one, and much sought by tourists to Sabah.

Even though Kadazandusuns are known for their peaceful nature, they are also well known for their bravery and defiant nature towards oppression and foreign rule." - Wikipedia

I once had a chat with Jewin about the on-going dispute between Malaysia and Indonesia.

Claire: Macamna la kalau tiba-tiba durang pigi serang kita?
Jewin: Nda payah takut ba kita di Sabah. Kita kan born warriors.

Hehe

p/s Intangai ku kaagu ti sorita nga amu pama haro dusun-dusun dau pointulis...iti nopo nga kosukup lah. :-D

Make It Go Away

2010-09-07T12:05:00.001+08:00

My chest have been hurting since last night. It hurt so much it won't go away anymore. It is there all the time and all I can do to ignore it is to keep myself busy with work. It's not because I had a nasty cough or that I ran into a pole, but it's like the one you feel when you lost something you hold dear, or when you realize that it's hurting too much, or when you see someone you love can never be happy with you the way they are happy with somebody else.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

2010-08-18T10:15:00.002+08:00

Guess who get to play the most coveted role of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo alongside delicious man Daniel Craig?

Rooney Mara.

Rooney who? Hehe...not Wayne Rooney. Relax.

Natalie Portman, Ellen Page and even Scarlett Johansson auditioned for the role but I guess they decided to go for a new face this time. The problem with new comer is that, they sometimes lack the experience to come out with a good acting skills and own the character. There are many example of this and I have already experience the Swedish version of the movie and was hugely disappointed. Maybe because the movie was in Swedish and I'm not familiar with the cast and the language so it could be the reason why I could not bring myself to even finish watching the movie.

So when I first heard that they are going to do the Hollywood version of the best selling trilogy by Stieg Larsson, I was very excited and been waiting anxiously for who will get Lisbeth Salander's role.

So now that I know, I'm not really sure I'm satisfied with the pick but I really hope she'll do a good job with it. Please please please lah bah. You already got Daniel Craig for Mikael Blomkvist's role so at least be at the same par of performance lah k Rooney.

:-o

2010-08-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

Help me pack.

Though the feeling hasn't passed

2010-08-07T14:29:00.000+08:00

Kali terakhir di Silitech

2010-08-02T21:04:00.000+08:00

Baru lepas main badminton lewat petang td.

Rasa macam mau pingsan pun ada.

Bergegar2 segala jari jemari dan senda sendi.

First Sunday of August

2010-08-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes they say that people around you know about certain things more than you do because they have been doing the observation so they will judge better since they are not clouded by any emotion or bias perception about the matter.

And once it happen, you will say things like 'If they only knew!' - well, they don't. Because they're not you. Let me put it this way. Someone can care for you and still not understand your every motive, emotion, need, and desire.

Life have been confusing and hard these days but somehow, out of nowhere there's this feeling bursting out from deep within telling me that it is all under my own control and decision. People can say and tell you about many things - of what to do and what is right but at the end of the day you will be alone again and it is actually depend on how do you want to live your life and no one else can live it for you. Put aside whatever people say about things and just do what you feel right.

This time around, I am going to do whatever I want to and start all over again. Doing the best I can for my own life. Along the way, people will drop by and leave their markings on the door and soon they will be gone and that is meant to be. Their turn have come to put a color to your sketch of life. And when they are done, go on and do the same.

Just be grateful of it and be happy.

How To Deal With Negative, Difficult Person.

2010-07-28T17:18:00.000+08:00

" I think the scariest person in the world is the person with no sense of humor. So that's a test. If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. if he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time."

- Michael J.Fox.

My Blueberry Nights

2010-07-26T20:52:00.002+08:00

And........I'm back. Good as new.

It's really is a good thing that I enjoy movies as much as I love books. I can always depend on them to have a laugh, to cry over a touchy moments, to relate on some of the incidents and to always help me to restart my thoughts all over again.

It's My Blueberry Nights for tonight and you can see my favorite singer Norah Jones in it. I never knew she could act. She's actually quite good and looked very pretty in the movie as she is in real life. Jude Law is in it too. As well as Natalie Portman and Rachel Weisz. There you have it.

It was pretty slow in the beginning and throughout the movie but it suits me just fine with the mood I was in earlier.

Here's some of my favorite quotes in the movie.

Elizabeth: When you're gone, all that is left behind are the memories you created in other people's lives or just a couple of items on a bill.

...................

Elizabeth: The last few days, I've been learning not to trust people and I'm glad I've failed. Sometimes we depend on other people as a mirror to define us and tell us who we are and each reflection makes me like myself a little more.

...................

Katya: Sometimes, even if you have the keys those doors still can't be opened. Can they?
Jeremy: Even if the door is open, the person you're looking for may not be there, Katya.

..................

Jeremy: From my observations, sometimes it's better off not knowing, and other times there's no reason to be found.
Elizabeth: Everything has a reason.
Jeremy: Hmm. It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night, the cheesecake and the apple pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly finished... but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched.
Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the blueberry pie?
Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie. Just... people make other choices. You can't blame the blueberry pie, just... no one wants it.

There's a lot more in that film. And it's fun to see how cocky Natalie Portman can be at a game of Poker.

I'm glad that I don't have to be in a complicated thoughts before sleep tonight.

Good night everyone.

Untitled.

2010-07-26T16:37:00.000+08:00

I don't really feel so good today.

The day started quite okay but somehow it changed and now I just feel...low.

I'm quite a sport about many things and rarely ever want to lose my head over something. If I can just rationalize things a little patiently, I'll be as happy as a clam in no time. Even though one of my close friends once said that I am probably the most sensitive girl in the world, no one actually really saw it through me because I don't often get worked up over something that did not matter much to me. Most of the time, I am just a happy mind-my-own-business type of person.

But then, everyone have their own moody time. Even me. Especially me. I just know how to hide the emotion better than most people.

With things going on in my mind, suddenly I feel small and stupid. About actions that I have made previously. The way I thought so much about petty things and so on. Plus, there's a major self esteem issues going on with me at this very moment. I don't really feel pretty. And for the first time, there's a few things that I started to hate about myself.

Every once in a while, people would tell me that I'm starting to look fat or that my ass is a bit small or they think there's something wrong with the way I walk, but I never actually really care much about other people's opinion when it comes to looks and physical attributes. So it's all fine. But not today. Right now, if someone says that they think I look tired today, I'll take it that they mean I look like an ugly ghost and that I should have think twice before deciding to open the door and go to work this morning to save everyone from having to torture their eyes with the very sight of me. That thought alone actually pisses me off right now. Shit.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sigh.

I know perfectly well that no matter what I do, how I dress, how I act, what I say, or what my opinions are, people would only choose to think what suited them the most. Some guys, for example, will look at me and wonder why their friends think that I'm attractive. Others will think I look more like an alien from another planet than as an actual human being. So I might as well just be myself, and gravitate towards those who really accept me just the way I am. You'll be surprise how judgmental anyone can be these days. Even families or close friends.

It's kind of embarrassing to feel this way. I always thought that no one will ever get under my skin with matters as trivial as this. Sigh. I guess today is the day that it happen.

Starry Starry Night

2010-07-20T21:10:00.000+08:00

I have not been getting enough sleep these last few days...drinking milk was no help and reading a book certainly didn't do anything good either. I think I should have a stock of beer ready in the fridge but then there's the bulgy belly so...no thanks.

I feel like a living dead walking on a silent creepy grave on the hill kind of thing. My eyes is like a panda. Dark circles so obvious you would have thought it's the real deal. So really going to sleep early tonight. I mean right now. Good night everybody. Peace and out. Zzz

Peace. Love. Empathy.

2010-07-20T13:11:00.002+08:00

After reading Mel's post about death, I can't help but feel a sensation of apprehension deep in my chest thinking about those things that I'm putting aside whether because I don't really know what to do about them or if it's because there's nothing I can do to make it the way it should be. Either way, there should be something, small as it may be that I can do to make a little difference but I'm just not sure.

I have been trying to live my life without ever taking anything or anyone for granted. I may not always like that but I tried and still trying. Everything I own now, they may be gone tomorrow. The nice little earring I bought the other day may be lost while I'm busy looking for things and it get stuck among the rubbish and I may accidentally throw it away.

People that I love, how sure am I that I can have them next to me forever? I can't. I know.

It would have been so much easier if everyone really mean what they say and learn to listen with empathy. I did not do that every time but I wanted to. I want to call my sister now and tell her I'm sorry that things turn out this way and that all mom and I want is for us to be happy. That if we may have failed her in any way, we never meant it to be that way.

But even when I'm going to say that with nothing but honest intention, I can't be sure that she'll listen to the sincerity of those words. It easier to play the blame game and keep on doing what you simply feel like doing regardless of whether it's the right thing or not.

And there are those matters that's still not settled. Friends. Enemy. Loved ones. Relatives. Haters. ~~Admirers~~.

But then they said there's just some things that's better left unsaid.

Hmm.

On not so different matter, there's this movie titled Mr. Nobody starring Jared Leto which show us the many different lives one person can live, depending on the choices he makes every step of the way.

The possibilities is just endless and it makes us see life in an interesting way. There are good or bad choices in life and each choice will create another life for you. It makes me think that maybe there's a very good reason behind all these uncertainty and unknown possibilities. Because when you know everything, then what's the point?

In the movie, the angel missed the marking on him when he was...I guess that was in heaven so he knows everything. He know the sort of life he'll live if he make certain choice. And at the final scene, because he knows, he can't bring himself to pick which life he wants. So he ran away.

And I guess by running away, it is also another one of those different life. No?

It's a very interesting movie and if you have decided to watch it, then I hope you will enjoy watching it.

Leaving it to you to define it.

2010-07-18T04:25:00.000+08:00

'...pure unashamed passion. Without definable restrictions.'
'I'm sorry to say I have a few issues with that.'
'Why?'
'Because, some have there to suggest. That even poetry have rules.'
'Or you make your own.'
'Right there, that's the part I never bought into.'
'Because?'
'Because if everybody runs around making their own rules, how can you... find what's true? There's nothing to rely on.'
'Maybe what's true is in front of us and we're moving toward it without even knowing it's there. Once you think you've got it all solved, what's left?'

- Edward Norton & Keri Russell in the movie Leaves of Grass based on book of poetry by Walt Whitman .

I'll leave you with the OST from the movie. Enjoy.